Running on Empty This Holiday Season? You’re Not Alone
By Lisa Brooks, RCC, OT – Therapist for Overwhelmed Parents | Vancouver, BC
For overwhelmed parents, neurodivergent women, and anyone navigating seasonal burnout
Why Do Parents Experience Burnout During the Holidays?
It's the third week of November. Your alarm goes off and you drag yourself out of bed, open the curtains, and see a dark sky. As you try to switch your brain into "awake mode" while waking the kids, making lunches, and getting everyone out the door, a familiar tightness rises in your throat.
You glance at the calendar on the fridge and remember: the holidays are only four weeks away.
Instantly, a mix of emotions rushes to the surface. Dread. Overwhelm. Resentment. Anxiety. And that familiar fear of not doing enough. You're already drained, and breakfast hasn't even started.
I'm Lisa Brooks, a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) and Occupational Therapist (OTR/L) specializing in overwhelmed parents, neurodivergent adults, and nervous system regulation using sensory-informed, attachment-based approaches. I'm trained in trauma-informed care, polyvagal theory, and sensory integration, which allows me to help clients understand their nervous systems from both a psychological and physical perspective. In my 14 years working with parents and families in Vancouver and across British Columbia, I see the same pattern every November: parents quietly reach their breaking point long before the season is over. I've helped hundreds of overwhelmed parents move from chronic depletion and reactivity toward calm, capacity, and self-trust.My goal is not to add more to your plate. My goal is to help you understand what your body is trying to tell you and how to move through this season with steadier energy and more compassion for yourself.
You are not failing. You are not too sensitive. You are not meant to hold the emotional, seasonal, logistical, social, and sensory load of an entire family alone. Your nervous system is communicating a need. This post explains why parents experience burnout during the holidays, what's happening in your body when capacity runs out, and practical ways to support your nervous system without adding more to your plate. You'll learn to recognize the signs of depletion, understand why emotional labor increases, and discover body-based strategies that actually rebuild capacity. This information is educational; for personalized guidance tailored to your specific situation, please consult with a therapist or healthcare provider.
Why does the holiday season drain parents so quickly?
Holiday season depletes parental capacity because seasonal demands stack directly on top of baseline responsibilities without removing anything. Parents manage increased emotional labor, logistical coordination, sensory input, financial pressure, and social expectations while still carrying daily mental load. This creates nervous system overload that leads to reactivity, shutdown, and burnout.
The stacking effect of emotional labor
The mental load begins its climb. The running checklist of holiday tasks fills your mind: the pressure to make this year feel magical, coordinate gatherings, manage expectations, create meaningful memories, keep everyone happy. This seasonal load doesn't replace your everyday load. It stacks directly on top of it.
You still have doctor appointments for the kids, school projects, work deadlines, life administration, meal planning, emotional labor, invisible labor, and the job of being the default problem solver for everyone.
Research shows that parental burnout is characterized by emotional exhaustion, emotional distancing from children, and a sense of parental inefficacy, feelings that intensify during high-stress seasons like the holidays (Mikolajczak & Roskam, 2018).
Decision fatigue peaks in December. Every decision costs mental energy which lowers capacity for daily stressor’s.
Do we go to this event?
Do we buy a gift for that person?
Should I host again this year?
Does my child need quieter plans instead?
Your Nervous System Was Already Depleted
When your baseline capacity is low, any extra demand feels like too much. It doesn't matter if the demand is joyful or meaningful. Your system is already working hard just to keep up with the daily rhythm. Adding holiday planning, social events, and emotional labor on top of that can push you past your edge quickly.
Scenario: The Morning Meltdown
It's 7:45 a.m. and you're trying to get everyone ready for school. Your youngest can't find their shoes. Your older child is complaining about what's in their lunch. Your partner is asking where the car keys are. You haven't had coffee yet.
Someone starts whining about not wanting to go to school. You feel your chest tighten. You snap: "We don't have time for this right now!"
The moment it comes out, you feel the guilt land. You didn't mean to be harsh. But your system was already at capacity before anyone even woke up.
What's happening here isn't a parenting failure. It's nervous system depletion. When you're operating from an empty tank, your window of tolerance shrinks. In my clinical work with overwhelmed parents, I often see how small frustrations that could usually be handled with patience become overwhelming fast when capacity is depleted. Your body is working hard to regulate itself while also co-regulating your children, managing the logistics of the morning, and holding the emotional climate of the home. That's an enormous load. When capacity is low, reactivity increases. This is biology, not character.
What Does Nervous System Shutdown Look Like in Parents?
Nervous system shutdown is a protective dorsal vagal response when your system has been in overdrive too long without relief. It can feel like emotional numbness, physical heaviness, difficulty speaking, or moving through fog. Shutdown conserves energy and prevents complete collapse. It's not depression or giving up. It's your body protecting you.
Shutdown Is a Biological Response, Not a Character Flaw
When your system has been in overdrive for too long without relief, it moves into a dorsal vagal state to conserve energy and prevent collapse. According to polyvagal theory, this is the nervous system's final protective strategy when fight-or-flight responses are no longer available or effective (Porges, 2011). This can feel like emotional numbness, physical heaviness, or the sense that you're moving through thick fog.
It Often Happens After Prolonged Performance
You've been keeping it together. Smiling. Managing. Coordinating. Regulating. Then suddenly, you can't anymore. You go quiet. You stare at walls. Words feel impossible.
Scenario: The Breaking Point
It's December 10th. You've been running nonstop for weeks. Work has been intense. The kids have had school concerts, projects, and holiday parties. You've been shopping, wrapping, planning, coordinating. You haven't had a full night's sleep in days.
Your partner asks, "Did you remember to send the holiday cards?"
Something inside you cracks.
You don't yell. You don't cry. You just... shut down. You stare at the wall and say quietly, "I can't do this anymore."
Your partner looks confused. "Do what?"
"All of it," you say. "I can't do all of it."
Shutdown is not depression (though it can look similar). It's your body saying, "We've hit our limit." This is the moment to listen, not push through. Shutdown is not failure. It's your system protecting you. What you need isn't more willpower or more to-do list hacks. You need rest, support, and a significant reduction in demands.
Important Note: If you're experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, please reach out for immediate support. In Canada, call theCrisis Services Canada hotline at 1-833-456-4566 (24/7). In the US, call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Recovery Requires Rest, Not Productivity
When you're in shutdown, adding more tasks or trying to "fix" yourself through activity backfires. Your system needs genuine rest, not another self-improvement project. As a trauma-informed therapist trained in polyvagal theory and sensory integration, I help parents understand that shutdown is the nervous system's way of preventing collapse. It's not weakness. It's your body saying, 'We need to stop now before we completely break down.’
Cultural Expectations Add Invisible Pressure
"Make magic." "Be present." "Say yes." "Keep traditions alive." "Don't disappoint anyone."
No one talks about how unrealistic this is for a human nervous system that's already running on fumes. These expectations aren't just external. Many of us carry them internally too, shaped by years of messages about what good parents do during the holidays.
Scenario: The Pinterest Trap
You're scrolling Instagram while waiting for your coffee to brew. You see a beautifully styled post: a mom in a cozy sweater, perfectly decorated home, kids laughing around a craft table making homemade ornaments. The caption reads: "Making memories that matter 🎄✨"
You look around your own kitchen. Dishes in the sink. Laundry pile on the couch. Your kids are fighting over screen time. You haven't even thought about decorating yet, and the idea of adding "homemade ornament crafting" to your list makes you want to cry.
The comparison lands hard. "Why can't I get it together like that?"
Comparison is a shame trigger, especially during the holidays. Social media shows you curated moments, not the full picture. What you don't see is the stress, the cleanup, the meltdowns that happened right after the photo. When you're already depleted, comparison amplifies the feeling that you're not enough. But here's the truth: you're not falling short. You're dealing with a different capacity, different resources, and different challenges. There's no one right way to do the holidays. The version that protects your nervous system and honors your family's actual needs is the right version for you.
As a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Occupational Therapist working with overwhelmed parents, I've found that holiday burnout isn't about failing to manage time well. It's about nervous systems hitting their biological limit when demands exceed available capacity.
Why Does Emotional Labor Increase So Much During the Holidays?
Emotional labor increases during holidays because parents, especially mothers, carry the job of anticipating everyone's needs, managing family dynamics, coordinating gatherings, remembering details, and ensuring no one melts down. This invisible work requires constant cognitive energy, emotional regulation, and attunement to others while managing your own stress and overwhelm.
The invisible work no one sees
remembering gift exchanges
tracking school events
managing children’s behavior, sensory needs and expectations
adjusting schedules
anticipating meltdowns
planning meals, outfits, transitions
Most of this happens internally, silently, and constantly.
You're Not Just Attending Events, You're Organizing Them
Many parents find themselves as the default coordinator of holiday gatherings. You're the one remembering dietary restrictions, managing schedules, buying gifts for your side and your partner's side, planning what to bring, and making sure no one feels left out.
No one asked you to do this. But somehow, it's become your job.
Research on emotional labor shows that women, particularly mothers, disproportionately carry the burden of "kin-keeping" and emotional coordination in families, work that remains largely invisible and unacknowledged (Erickson, 2005).
You're Holding the Emotional Climate for Everyone
You're tracking who needs what, managing tensions, smoothing over disappointments, and trying to keep the peace. This invisible work is exhausting, and it often goes completely unseen.
Scenario: The Family Gathering Coordinator
It's mid-November and you're already fielding texts from your mother-in-law about Christmas plans, your sister about gift exchanges, and your partner asking what you want to do this year. Everyone is asking you to decide, coordinate, and communicate.
You realize: you're not just attending these gatherings. You're organizing them.
By the time you sit down at the table, you're already exhausted. You smile, pass dishes, make conversation, and silently count down the minutes until you can leave.
Emotional labor is real work. It requires cognitive energy, emotional regulation, and constant attunement to others. In my 14 years working with parents, I consistently see how this labor becomes an unspoken default, especially for mothers. You're not just managing your own experience. You're managing everyone else's too. By the time you leave, you've used every ounce of available capacity. This isn't being antisocial or difficult. This is your nervous system telling you it needs rest.
The Work Is Invisible Until It Stops Getting Done
The moment you stop coordinating, people notice. But when you do it seamlessly, no one sees the effort. This creates a painful dynamic where your work is only visible through its absence.
Your body is not malfunctioning. It is communicating.
In my clinical practice as an RCC and OT specializing in parent burnout, I see how emotional labor becomes the unspoken second shift. You're not just managing tasks. You're managing everyone's emotional experience, and that uses enormous nervous system capacity that must be replenished.
What Actually Helps Rebuild Capacity During the Holidays?
Rebuilding capacity requires reducing demands and adding body-based nervous system regulation, not only adding more self-care tasks. Effective strategies include simplifying traditions, saying no to protect energy, using micro-rest instead of idealized rest, asking for help early, and practicing small sensory grounding breaks throughout the day.
Reduce the Invisible Load First
Simplify traditions. Really look at what you're doing and ask: Does this actually matter to me, or am I doing it because I think I should?
Share responsibilities. You don't have to be the only one who makes the holidays happen.
Remove unnecessary tasks. Not everything needs to be done, decorated, or perfect.
Choose one meaningful activity instead of ten stressful ones. Quality over quantity protects your capacity.
Say No to Protect Your Energy
This is not selfish. It's a nervous system boundary. Every yes to something that drains you is a no to your own well-being. You're allowed to decline invitations, skip events, and protect your time.
What this might sound like:
"We're going to keep it simple this year and stay home."
"We can't make it, but we're sending love."
"We'll come for an hour, but we'll need to leave early."
Use Small, Body-Based Regulation Breaks
Your nervous system doesn't need a full spa day. It needs micro-moments of relief throughout the day. Drawing on my training as an Occupational Therapist in sensory integration, I often teach parents these simple regulation strategies:
Step outside for cool air on your face
Try a breath reset with a slow four-count exhale
Use thirty seconds of sensory grounding (feel your feet on the floor, notice the temperature of the air, hold something cool or textured)
Move your body in a way that feels good: stretch, hang your body into gravity, roll your shoulders
These small resets signal safety to your nervous system. Over time, they add up.
Choose Micro-Rest Instead of Idealized Rest
Although a full day off or a retreat would be nice (and I would take it if you can find a way to make it happen), it can only do so much and is likely unrealistic for where you are currently in your life. Rebuilding capacity is about small manageable habits you can implement into daily routines.
Sometimes rest looks like sitting in your car for three minutes before going inside and practicing deep breathing or singing along to a song you love. Sometimes it's closing your eyes while the kettle boils. Sometimes it's saying, "I'm taking a ten-minute break," and actually taking it.
As an Occupational Therapist and Registered Clinical Counsellor, I've worked with hundreds of overwhelmed parents who discovered that micro-regulation practices—30 seconds of grounding, two minutes of being off duty—rebuild capacity more effectively than waiting for the perfect self-care opportunity that rarely comes.
What actually helps parents recover capacity during stressful seasons?
Parents recover capacity by reducing internal load, increasing rest that is truly off-duty, setting micro-boundaries, lowering sensory input, and creating predictable pockets of ease. Recovery does not require dramatic lifestyle changes. It requires small, consistent shifts that support the nervous system.
Small steps are more effective and sustainable than big ones
Examples:
limit one event
choose simple meals
reduce expectations
batch errands
protect quieter evenings
choose people and places that feel safe
Use the “decide once” strategy - for example, one wrapping paper, one store to buy all the gifts, one card
Holiday burnout happens when seasonal demands stack on already depleted capacity, creating nervous system overload. Reactivity, shutdown, and overwhelm are biological responses to exceeded limits, not parenting failures. Understanding why this happens allows you to respond with self-compassion rather than self-criticism.
The path forward involves reducing invisible loads, protecting your energy through boundaries, using body-based regulation practices, and asking for help before you hit crisis. These aren't luxuries. They're necessities for a nervous system under strain.
You are not meant to hold the entire holiday load alone. You're allowed to simplify, say no, and prioritize your capacity over cultural expectations.
If you're ready to move from chronic depletion and reactivity toward calm, capacity, and self-trust, I'd be honored to support you. I offer sensory-informed, attachment-based counseling that helps overwhelmed parents understand their nervous systems, rebuild capacity, and create sustainable rhythms. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to discuss how nervous system-informed therapy can help you navigate this season and beyond.
Lisa Brooks, RCC, OTR/L – Registered Clinical Counsellor and Occupational Therapist specializing in parent burnout, neurodivergent adults, and nervous system regulation.
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Holiday burnout happens when emotional, sensory, and logistical demands increase faster than a parent’s capacity to recover. The season amplifies existing stressors rather than replacing them.
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Your nervous system has likely been overloaded for weeks. Anticipation, decision fatigue, and emotional labour create exhaustion before any holiday event begins.
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Signs include irritability, sensory overwhelm, tearfulness, fatigue, resentment, and feeling mentally scattered. These symptoms reflect capacity overload, not personal weakness.
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Reduce decisions, simplify routines, outsource where possible, and create clarity around expectations. Even one micro-boundary lowers mental load significantly.
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Patience decreases when sensory input and emotional demands increase. This is a nervous system response, not a character flaw.
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Lower sensory input at home, take breaks from noise, allow grounding time, and choose environments that feel calmer. Sensory rest is essential.
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Choose meaningful moments over performative ones. Kids remember connection and presence more than perfection.
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Lower sensory input at home, take breaks from noise, allow grounding time, and choose environments that feel calmer. Sensory rest is essential.
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Choose meaningful moments over performative ones. Kids remember connection and presence more than perfection.
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Capacity is your internal ability to manage stress, emotions, and demands. It is shaped by sleep, nervous system regulation, emotional load, and sensory input.
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Guilt signals that you are doing something new, not something wrong. Boundaries protect your nervous system and strengthen connection.
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Counselling helps parents reduce internal load, identify patterns, strengthen regulation skills, and rebuild capacity. Support allows parents to move through stressful seasons with more steadiness.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lisa Brooks is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) and Occupational Therapist (OTR/L) specializing in overwhelmed parents, neurodivergent adults, and nervous system regulation. With over 14 years of clinical experience supporting sensitive individuals and families in Vancouver and across British Columbia, Lisa helps parents move from chronic depletion and reactivity toward calm, capacity, and self-trust. Her approach integrates attachment-based counseling with sensory-informed, body-based strategies grounded in polyvagal theory, trauma-informed care, and sensory integration. Lisa is trained in nervous system regulation techniques and uses her dual clinical lens to help clients understand both the psychological and physical aspects of overwhelm and burnout. She practices in Vancouver, BC and works with clients across British Columbia who are ready to honor their capacity and build sustainable rhythms.
Connect with Lisa:
Website | LinkedIn | Psychology Today Profile
